"The holidays seem to get mixed reviews depending on the family that raised you. Some families appear to display the traditional Norman Rockwell image of the perfect gathering that most people still yearn for, but we all know there is no perfect family. Families consist of imperfect human beings, and everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, even if they don't acknowledge that."
"Being a long-time family therapist, I annually hear things like: "It's the holidays again; we are going home to family, and I am dreading it." "Even though I am an adult now and have a good life, when I go home, my siblings still call me 'snotnose' because I was the baby of the family." "My role in the family was the scapegoat, so I'm preparing for being blamed for something again this year.""
Holiday family gatherings often revive childhood roles and expose imperfect family dynamics, creating stress even for well-adjusted adults. Recurring patterns include name-calling, scapegoating, emotional dumping, jealousy, and pressure about gifts or drinking. Preserving sanity requires a clear inventory of personal values, firm boundaries, and strategies to separate from family drama. Alternatives include celebrating with supportive friends, preparing emotionally for triggers, protecting sobriety, and planning exit strategies. Anticipating likely interactions and reaffirming an adult sense of self helps reduce reactivity and protects emotional well-being during visits home.
Read at Psychology Today
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