Reframing Remorse and Regret

"As human beings, each of us is at once perfect and a work in progress. As we grow and expand our knowledge and understanding of the world, we sometimes experience setbacks and failures. We sometimes make mistakes. Some of those mistakes, long after we have made them, loom large in our minds and persist in our thoughts, so much so that we are burdened with regret and remorse for the hurt and harm we have caused others."

"Regret is essentially a troublesome and distressing memory of a past event that we view as negative. Regret can relate to actions, choices, situations, or events where we have caused another person, other people, or ourselves hurt or harm. Mired in regret, we often blame ourselves, ruminate over missed opportunities and negative outcomes, or feel bad after failing to act or intervene effectively to assist another person. Remorse, while tied to the same negative memories, refers to deep and distressing feelings of guilt and shame for what we have done, as well as an urge to make amends."

Humans are imperfect and continue learning, which leads to mistakes that can later cause persistent regret and remorse. Regret is a distressing memory of a past negative event, involving self-blame, rumination, and feelings after failing to act. Remorse involves deep guilt, shame, and an urge to make amends. The negativity bias causes greater emphasis on mistakes than successes as self-protection. Prolonged regret and remorse can produce low self-worth, shame, diminished courage, and mental-health consequences; research links regret to mood disorders such as depression. Reframing past events and making amends can reduce harm and promote adaptive growth.

Read at Psychology Today