A mother’s detailed record-keeping of family expenses created a childhood environment of financial fear. The limited income, stemming from a young family’s struggle, emphasized scarcity and resourcefulness. Years later, the relationship with money remains influenced by those early lessons, with continued expense tracking and anxiety about spending. Practical advice learned includes maintaining personal finances, quick debt repayment, and maximum saving, yet emotional responses to spending persist, leading to a complex relationship with the concept of financial guilt and moral spending guidelines.
When I was growing up, my mother kept notebooks where she meticulously recorded every dollar our family spent. I would flip through the lines of expenses, horrified at the dollars and cents I'd incurred by just existing.
My parents were young and making it work on a second lieutenant's salary, so they didn't earn much money to begin with-as the child of Korean War survivors, my mom learned to hold tight to what little she had.
From her, I learned that money is a source of fear and shame. I was unable to consider dollars spent and lost without becoming sick with guilt.
I didn't have a firm set of rules, but what I did have was a hazy set of shoulds and shouldn'ts with associated moral weights.
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