How do I build a sense of worth that isn't constantly slipping through my fingers?

"I keep waiting to feel that I'm finally enough. I've worked hard, am in the process of changing careers to be more of service to others, gone to therapy. I go to the gym, eat the right food, have built things I'm proud of. And yet nothing sticks. Every time I hit a goal, there's this tiny burst of pride, then it's gone."

"People tell me I look great but it doesn't land. There's this constant hum of not good enough running underneath everything, no matter what I do. The worst part is that I know what's going on. I can name it: shame, a need for external validation. But naming it doesn't make it go away. It feels as though I'm performing endless autopsies on my self-esteem, again and again, searching for a cause of death."

"We are mortal. We are going to age. You'll have wrinkles and grey hair. You'll feel old. People you love will die. You'll die. I know this sounds morbid; Well, you'll die was probably not what you thought you'd hear in response to How can I build a sense of self worth? But I don't mean it just as nihilism. The reality of death does force some clarity about what's valuable about us; clarity"

External achievements, career changes, healthy habits, and completed projects often produce only brief pride and do not create lasting self-worth. Persistent shame and a need for external validation can underlie ongoing feelings of not being enough, including body-image shame despite training and healthy eating. Awareness and naming of these patterns do not automatically remove them. Confronting human mortality and the inevitability of aging can clarify what truly matters and shift attention away from performance-based worth. Building a stable sense of value requires internalizing enduring aims—relationships, meaning, and care for others—and reframing self-worth away from external proofs.

Read at www.theguardian.com