"She carelessly wrote about my father's infidelity in a random notebook that I found as a teenager, and it's been a source of trauma that lingered into adulthood. Back then, I didn't have a good relationship with my father because of it, but now we are good. I've managed to forget it and move on. However, this recent situation with my mother is troubling. When I told her I knew about my father, she brushed it off and continued to dish out details of his infidelity."
""Mom, I know you want to talk about this, but it's really upsetting for me to hear about it. Please don't bring it up again," is probably the best you can do. Then, whenever she tries to bring it up, you can do your best to change the conversation or end it entirely. I know that's an unsatisfying way to respond to a hard situation. But part of what's making it hard is that you're pretending you're over something you're not actually over. That's not a viable strategy to have a relationship with either of your parents and will not make you happy."
A son discovered evidence of his father's infidelity as a teenager and carried resulting trauma into adulthood. He reconciled with his father but his mother now repeatedly recounts the father's cheating and verbal abuse, including details from therapy. The son asked his mother once to stop, but she continues, reopening old wounds. The recommended response is to set a clear, firm boundary by telling the mother that these conversations are upsetting and must stop, to change or end conversations when necessary, and to have a direct talk with the father to process unresolved feelings.
Read at Slate Magazine
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