Getting in Alignment for the New Year

"Today, I want to share a goal-setting process I use in my life whenever I feel a change is needed. I also use it in just about every client session, both at the start of treatment and periodically along the way. This creates a sweet synergy: Using a tool yourself is the best way to learn what it takes to actually apply it."

"Step 2: Lean in: What would this different experience look like? Feel like? Sound like? Why is it worthwhile to me? Change is hard, and it helps a lot when we have a nice, juicy, motivating vision of where we want to be. Let yourself spend some time with this, and get excited. You might even come up with a watchword or an image you can return to when you feel your motivation flagging. Vision board, anyone?"

"Step 3: Determine your role: What's the piece of this change that I can control? The tricky thing about goal-setting is that you need to laser in on the aspect of your desired change that is 100 percent within your control. This is especially hard in a relational context, because we often find ourselves wishing our partners (or our friends, or colleagues, or family members) would do something differently. But the annoying truth is, we just can't control anyone but ourselves."

The turning of a year offers an opportunity to inventory current experiences and decide future direction. Begin by asking what different experiences are desired in the coming year and allow time to feel into those possibilities. Create a vivid, motivating vision by describing how the new experience would look, feel, and sound, and by identifying meaningful reasons for pursuing it. Use a watchword, image, or vision board to return to when motivation flags. Determine the precise piece of change that is 100 percent within personal control, especially in relationships where only self-behavior can be changed directly. Changing how one shows up can alter others' behavior without guarantees.

Read at Psychology Today