Early Emotional Silence Can Shape Violent Behavior

"Some children learn early that the world has no space for their pain. They grow up in homes where emotions are treated as noise, where tears are seen as weakness, and where silence is taught as a form of obedience. These children do not raise their voices; they raise their defenses. What looks like defiance is often exhaustion. What appears to be aggression is usually a child's desperate attempt to protect what no one ever protected."

"Their stories arrive in fragments, offered slowly and with hesitation. Many do not know how to describe what they feel, because no one ever taught them to name their emotions. When they speak, their voices tremble with the fear of being dismissed again. When they remain quiet, their bodies reveal everything: tight jaws, restless hands, eyes that avoid compassion as if kindness itself might break them open."

"He is 12 years old and already carries the weight of an adult life. Before the sun rises, he wakes his younger siblings, five of them, all hungry before the day even begins. His mother returns at dawn from the streets, exhausted from trying to feed them. His father drifts in and out of their lives, pulled away by addiction. In a single room that smells of damp clothes and kerosene lamps, Mateo becomes the anchor of a home that should have anchored him."

Emotional neglect in childhood causes children to adopt hardened defenses and protective behaviors, often mistaken for defiance or aggression. Children who lack emotional attunement frequently do not learn to name or express feelings, and their narratives arrive in fragmented, hesitant ways. Physical signs of unspoken distress include tight jaws, restless hands, and avoidance of compassion. Some children assume adult responsibilities—waking siblings, selling goods, caring for family—because caregivers are absent or impaired. Persistent neglect disrupts development of healthy emotion regulation and can make violence or aggression function as a survival strategy when no safe space for expression exists.

Read at Psychology Today