"Whatever you're feeling right now is what you should be feeling right now. If you're sad and depressed, fine. If you're often angry, good. If you can't feel anything, well, that's okay too. If you're stressed, worried, and feeling all the feels, so be it. There's no wrong way to feel about losing your child. You can't f--- it up any worse than it already is."
"Guilt, shame, regret-pick your poison. You torture yourself thinking about something you could have done to prevent the whole mess. Slap! You're tormented about all the wrong things you've said and all the right things you should've said. Smack! Your relentless guilt tells you that you deserve the pain because you've failed miserably at the most fundamental aspect of being a parent: protecting your child. Pow!"
All feelings after losing a child are valid, including sadness, depression, anger, numbness, stress, and worry. Parents commonly respond with intense self-blame, guilt, shame, and regret, replaying what could have been done differently. Many obsess over words said or unsaid and believe they failed at protecting their child. Survivor's guilt intensifies pain because the bereaved continue living while the child does not. Self-directed punishment is a natural response to an unnatural loss. Practicing gentleness toward oneself is essential yet difficult to adopt. Hearing advice to be gentle can feel simplistic until one is ready to accept it. Grief groups can help introduce self-compassion.
Read at Psychology Today
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