Independence and dignity were lifelong desires, sought through choices in life. Severe, treatment-resistant schizophrenia led to an involuntary hospitalization, stripping away those aspects. Despite some positives at the hospital, I felt trapped, yearning for my previous freedom and dignity associated with homelessness. My perception of the hospital's benefits did not align with my internal struggle. After an initial hospitalization, I faced challenges with medication side effects, which resulted in a return to psychosis and subsequent hospitalization.
Throughout my life, even as a child, my desire was for independence and dignity. I have always wanted to make my own choices, from what I eat and wear, and where I live, to who my friends are, and even who I vote for.
Unfortunately, there were many perks to my first hospital in Los Angeles. Unlike many facilities where going outside is impossible, this hospital had a beautiful enclosed courtyard with a lawn and trees.
I felt like a hamster confined to a cage and badly wanted to get out, wishing I could be homeless again and freely walk the parks every day as I was accustomed to.
After my first hospitalization, I quickly discontinued my meds due to side effects and rebounded into full psychosis, leading to my second hospitalization.
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