Adult Children and the Pressure to Be Perfect

"If you identify as an adult child of a dysfunctional or chaotic family, you may have noticed a relentless inner pressure to do everything just right. For some adult children, perfectionism is a survival strategy learned in childhood. When love, approval, or safety depend on performance, perfectionism becomes a way to cope, feel in control, and avoid rejection. But as adults, these same patterns can lead to burnout, anxiety, strained relationships, and a constant feeling of never being "enough.""

"Perfectionism is not the same as excellence. It's setting impossibly high standards for yourself (and perhaps for others) that can never be achieved. Perfectionism is rooted in anxiety and fear—fear of rejection, criticism, embarrassment, failure, and being unworthy or unlovable. Perfectionism is not helpful; it doesn't make us more successful, confident, attractive, or happier. It adds unnecessary stress and pressure, making our lives harder, not better."

Adults who grew up in chaotic or dysfunctional families often internalize perfectionism as a survival strategy to secure love, approval, or safety through performance. Perfectionism sets impossibly high standards, stems from anxiety and fear of rejection, and increases stress without producing greater success or happiness. Common traits in these adult children include people-pleasing, self-criticism, fear of abandonment, weak boundaries, difficulty trusting, feelings of inadequacy, suppressed emotions, and trouble relaxing. Perfectionistic patterns in adulthood can cause burnout, anxiety, strained relationships, and a chronic sense of never being enough. Practicing self-compassion and challenging rigid thoughts can help reduce perfectionistic tendencies.

Read at Psychology Today