A Relationship With Grief

"To live with chronic illness is to live with loss: loss of bodily functions, loss of trust in one's body, loss of relationships, loss of experiences, loss of a hoped-for future, and loss of the pre-illness self. I want you to read that sentence again and really take it in. To live with chronic illness is to live with loss. Can you acknowledge this, not just at an intellectual level, but at a felt-experience level? Your illness means that loss is your constant companion."

"Our culture is afraid of grief. We see vulnerability as weakness and weakness as unworthiness. When we see grief coming, we tend to try to control it. Culturally, we put firm boundaries around grief: We make judgments on what is worthy of being grieved, who is allowed to grieve, the ways grief is expressed, and the length of time grief should take. "Get over it!" should be our national refrain."

Living with chronic illness involves continuous losses including bodily function, trust in the body, relationships, activities, future hopes, and the pre-illness self. Cultural fear and avoidance of grief create rigid expectations about who may grieve, how grief is expressed, and how long grief should last, producing judgment, shame, and isolation. Fear of grief leads people to withdraw from joy or to control and minimize their feelings. Actively acknowledging and tending to grief can be empowering and liberating. Grief can coexist with gratitude and joy, and building a compassionate relationship with grief supports emotional honesty and adaptation.

Read at Psychology Today