"If this sounds familiar, the reason you stay stuck in this cycle likely has to do with your mind's tendency to disguise rumination as "problem-solving." You might be under the impression that you're figuring out what went wrong or making sure you will not repeat the mistake. However, in reality, you're just reinforcing the guilt and trapping yourself even further in the same emotional cycle. Over time, this habit can end up chipping away at your confidence, relationships, and most importantly, your sense of self."
"A 2025 study published in Self and Identity explored why forgiving yourself is so difficult for some people and why they can be stuck in self-condemnation. Out of 80 participants, researchers found that 41 of them said they couldn't forgive themselves after a perceived failure. For 39 of them, self-forgiveness came easier. Researchers also identified key patterns that keep people trapped in such self-blame."
Ruminating at night about embarrassing moments and replaying mistakes can become a mental trap that repeats self-blaming thoughts like "you should have known better." Nighttime is a high-risk period for such overthinking, with people often worrying about past mistakes, negative experiences, and social interactions. Rumination can appear as apparent problem-solving while actually reinforcing guilt and perpetuating the emotional cycle. Persistent self-blame erodes confidence, damages relationships, and harms sense of self. Research shows a split in self-forgiveness: some people cannot forgive themselves after perceived failures while others find self-forgiveness easier, with time focus linked to the difference.
Read at Psychology Today
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