Reddit user Phonecianmerchant is working on learning German intensively to prepare for an advanced exam, despite facing challenges in communication with her husband, who is fluent in the language. After discussing an arrangement to speak only German at home for 10 weeks, her husband expressed the need for a break, leading her to question if she might be the 'asshole' for wanting this immersion. Commenters noted the effect of language on relationships, emphasizing the temporary nature of her request and suggesting additional activities to ease the pressure on her husband.
"I (31, female) recently signed up to sit an advanced German exam with the full support and encouragement of my (30, male) husband. We live in Germany, where I work in an English-speaking environment, so to get extra practice in, I told him that after a certain date, we'd switch to German, which he is fluent in (he grew up here). We've managed two days so far where I have answered in German, even if he accidentally says something in English. Last night, he told me he needed a break from me speaking German."
"Because language frames how we perceive the world and others and how we relate our experiences to our interlocutors, it has a big influence when it comes to relationships. So I absolutely understand what your husband means by 'he doesn't feel like he's speaking to his wife.'"
"However, despite the uncomfortable experience, I do believe that you being able to succeed at your exam, with what I imagine the future of your life in Germany with him hanging in the balance (with what it implies for your everyday life, your professional future, potentially your immigration paperwork...), is more important that this temporary issue. It is, in fact, only for 10 weeks. To me, you're not the asshole, but I recommend inviting German-speaking friends and family over, going to the movies, or any activity that works for you along those lines, so maybe he gets some time off from being your immersion tutor every day of the week."
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