A person feels nervous about introducing a deeply cherished movie to a friend because the movie functions as a mode of self-expression. Favorite films and recurring quotes serve as identity signals and provide comfort during difficult times, including coping with postpartum depression. Fear arises that dislike of the film could transfer to dislike of the person, revealing possible mismatches in humor and compatibility. Psychological research indicates that revealing a valued cultural preference involves vulnerability and that declaring favorites communicates aspects of identity, creating the possibility of social acceptance or rejection.
I felt like I was asking her if she wanted to make out. The Big Lebowski-the 1998 Coen-brothers movie about bowling, pot, and mistaken identity-is one of my favorites, and I was nervous about introducing it to her. I like to use Lebowski quotes as a way to assert myself while, like Jeff Bridges's character, "the Dude," not taking things too seriously.
There's a Lebowski-ism for virtually every tricky situation: Asked to work on a Saturday? "I don't roll on Shabbas." Someone does something outrageous? "This is not 'Nam ... There are rules!" Disagree about something? "That's just, like, your opinion, man." Whenever life has been especially difficult, I've returned to the movie and found solace in its "whatever, man" ethos. When I was addled by postpartum depression and my baby would cry nonstop, I would watch Lebowski clips on YouTube and savor a rare laugh.
But it's a strange movie, and I have known Alex for only a couple of years. I was worried that she would dislike it so much that she would kind of dislike me too, through osmosis. Or that I would realize that we have completely different senses of humor, and that perhaps we aren't very close after all. In Lebowski terms, would our friendship abide? Or would we be out of our element?
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