"If you're at home, just brew some coffee and pour as much friggin' creamer in as you want! But, if you're in public, options vary. Some coffee shops will have creamer; others will be, like, "We just have half-and-half," and that is insane. It is not the same. When in doubt, bring your on-the-go creamer and do not allow anyone to shame you. You are an adult and you know what you like."
"Pour your bag of peanuts into the first bowl. This is meant to stay in the kitchen for neighbors and friends and, of course, you, every time you pass by. When hankering for some nuts, grab a handful of shells and crack them open. Do this slowly, while having important and productive thoughts. Collect shells in a second bowl to appear tidy."
At home, brew coffee and add as much creamer as desired; in public, bring personal on-the-go creamer because some shops only offer half-and-half. Keep a bowl of peanuts in the kitchen for neighbors, friends, and personal snacking; when craving nuts, crack shells slowly while thinking productively and collect shells in a second bowl to appear tidy. When feeling low, acknowledge that life sucks and address basic needs by getting water and chewing gum. Prepare Eggo waffles by toasting two until the chosen crispiness and use a paper towel to hold them when hot.
Read at The New Yorker
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