The best way to see their side is to tell them how you felt when they gave you the ultimatum and ask them to help you understand.
Speak from the present: This is what's going on with you now; how can you all move forward? What they have to say may not be satisfying.
The way they put the ultimatum certainly feels callous. Perhaps that's just who they are, but resigning themselves to never seeing their sister again suggests that there's pain behind the decision.
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