The decision to include spouses in a preconference dinner is a business-operations matter that requires managerial direction and clear budget planning. Guests may assume spouses are welcome when invited to evening events, and excluding them creates awkwardness and potential displeasure. The initial budget omission of spouses is a planning oversight that can leave traveling spouses excluded. Options include expanding the budget to cover spouses, accepting the cost of displeasing guests, or cancelling the meal. The responsible course is to consult the boss to determine which option offers the greatest value to the organization rather than making unilateral demands.
Where is your boss in all this? Miss Manners asks because, while she is happy to get you out of this mess, she wants you to understand that this is a business operations issue, like the other hundreds you face every year. You are not entertaining these people because you don't have enough work during the day, nor because these people are your friends, nor because it is your idea of a good time.
You are doing it because someone believes that it is in the business's interests that these customers/clients/employees be made to feel welcome while attending the conference. In formulating the budget, no one thought to include spouses. With the benefit of experience, this was a mistake in judgment, as it leaves behind spouses who have made the trip and thought to participate in after-hours events.
Rather than demanding anything, you should be asking what your boss feels is of most value. Is it better to incur the added expense of inviting spouses, to incur the cost of displeasing these people, or to drop the preconference meal? You are hoping there is a fourth option — to convince these people to attend happily without their spouses — but you already know there is not.
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