My New Co-Workers Want to "Break the Ice" With Stories About the Past. I Don't Think They Want to Hear Mine.

"This organization desperately needs you. If these former classmates are still talking about the same old high-school stories, the workplace culture must be stagnant. Plus, hanging out too much with the old gang can make some people regress (or, in this case, decline to grow up and make new stories). Your own teenage stories can't compete with their shared goofy, cute stories, which rely on people knowing the characters and context to fully get the jokes. You're right to not even try."

"Instead, prepare a few getting-to-know-you conversations that involve adult life. They don't have to be that personal. Your co-workers will think you're charming if you ask them questions: "What are your favorite vacations?" or "Have you read anything good lately?" or "Do you have advice on how to get closer to niblings?" You say they're talented, so draw them out about their crafts and hobbies, and share your own. Take advantage of their local experience and ask for recommendations about restaurants, hiking trails, festivals, dentists, book clubs, or anything else that would help you feel more at home in your new hometown."

A new employee finds coworkers bonded by shared high-school memories that dominate casual conversation. The shared stories create inside jokes and make competing with those teenage anecdotes futile. The recommended approach is to avoid revealing uncomfortable personal teenage details and instead prepare adult-oriented conversation starters that are not deeply personal. Suggested topics include vacations, books, relationships with nieces/nephews, crafts, hobbies, and local recommendations. Asking short, engaging questions and drawing coworkers out about their talents helps build rapport. Seeking practical local advice also helps the newcomer feel more at home while keeping boundaries intact.

Read at Slate Magazine