I became successful and my father said 'I'm proud of you' for the first time at my 50th birthday - and instead of feeling grateful I felt angry because I finally understood he'd been withholding that my entire life - Silicon Canals

"Psychologist Carl Rogers, one of the most influential therapists of the twentieth century, identified something he called 'conditional regard.' The idea is simple but devastating. When a parent withholds approval or affection unless certain conditions are met, it can deeply affect a child's self-worth and emotional health."

"In that moment, standing in my own kitchen at fifty years old, I didn't hear a compliment. I heard a confession. He'd known how to say those words my entire life. He'd just chosen not to."

A father, a dedicated plumber, expressed pride in his son only once in fifty years, leading to complex feelings of anger and realization. The son, reflecting on this moment, recognized it as a confession of conditional regard, which he later understood through research. Psychologist Carl Rogers described conditional regard as a damaging concept, where love and approval are given based on certain conditions, impacting a child's emotional development and self-esteem.

Read at Silicon Canals