#relationship-therapy

#relationship-therapy

"The four horsemen are four types of behaviors that are seen within relationships which typically indicate it may be on the rocks," Thais Gibson, a relationship expert and founder of The Personal Development School, told HuffPost. "These horsemen, alone or in combination, are what signal a dysfunctional relationship according to Gottman. The more of these traits that are expressed in a relationship, the more likely there is to be a breakup or divorce."

The real problem isn't disagreement- it's silencing the problems. Yes, some people tend to swallow frustrations instead of speaking them. Or they channel them into other things: sports, work, or friendships (talking about constructive ones), or affairs or addictions (talking about destructive ones). However, even constructive channeling doesn't eliminate resentment, and it still grows like a slow poison. Those unspoken things don't vanish; they just wait and pile up until they explode in ways that leave deeper scars for both partners.

Love and support often characterize families, and they characterize how siblings get along, according to our research (see Adult Sibling Relationships, Columbia University Press). But resentment, miscommunication, and maladaptive family interaction patterns handed down from one generation to the next also characterize some families. History may be prologued. Those patterns are often reified in the present. They live on as family and personal narratives, and they affect and infect future generations.