#instrumental-aggression
#instrumental-aggression
[ follow ]
#communication
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says people who command the most respect in a room aren't the loudest or most confident - they're the ones who can disagree without making others feel stupid for having believed something different - Silicon Canals
Respectful disagreement fosters genuine influence and encourages open dialogue.
#emotional-intelligence
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology suggests people who stay calm during conflict aren't less emotional - they learned early that the person who controls the temperature of the room controls the outcome, and they stopped reacting and started choosing - Silicon Canals
Controlling emotional responses during conflict can significantly influence the outcome of the situation.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoNot everyone who goes quiet during an argument is shutting down. Some of them are running a calculation they learned in childhood where speaking while emotional guaranteed that what they said would be used against them later, and the silence is protective custody for their own words. - Silicon Canals
Silence during conflict can indicate a calculated emotional response rather than passive aggression or shutdown.
Mindfulness
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology suggests people who stay calm during conflict aren't less emotional - they learned early that the person who controls the temperature of the room controls the outcome, and they stopped reacting and started choosing - Silicon Canals
Controlling emotional responses during conflict can significantly influence the outcome of the situation.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoNot everyone who goes quiet during an argument is shutting down. Some of them are running a calculation they learned in childhood where speaking while emotional guaranteed that what they said would be used against them later, and the silence is protective custody for their own words. - Silicon Canals
Silence during conflict can indicate a calculated emotional response rather than passive aggression or shutdown.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
6 days ago6 signs someone grew up as the mediator between their parents, according to family therapists, and why those skills make them exceptional at work but exhausted in their own relationships - Silicon Canals
Children who mediate parental conflict develop skills that benefit their careers but can hinder personal relationships later in life.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoThe people who say 'I'm fine with whatever you want to do' in every social situation aren't easygoing. They've simply never been in an environment where stating a preference didn't start a negotiation they couldn't afford to lose. - Silicon Canals
People who appear easygoing may actually be practicing conflict avoidance as a survival strategy learned from past experiences.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 day agoPsychology says people who apologize constantly without realizing it are more damaged than they appear - because they internalize blame and absorb conflict, a survival response from childhood, which never switches off even when they're safe - Silicon Canals
Excessive apologizing often stems from childhood experiences of mistreatment and can lead to chronic self-blame in adulthood.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPsychology suggests the most attractive person in the room is almost never the one trying hardest to be - because effort in the direction of attractiveness is visible, and visibility of effort is the one thing that reliably cancels the effect it's trying to produce - Silicon Canals
Authenticity is more appealing than effortful perfection in social interactions.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoI stopped explaining myself when I apologize and the reactions taught me exactly which people in my life had been treating my explanations as retractions. To them, sorry with a reason attached meant sorry didn't really count, and sorry without one meant I was finally admitting fault on their terms. - Silicon Canals
Apologies without explanations reveal who truly listens and who seeks loopholes.
#manipulation
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoI'm 44 and the most powerful thing I ever learned about dealing with manipulative people is that silence - actual, sustained, unapologetic silence - makes them unravel in ways that confrontation never does - Silicon Canals
Silence can effectively disrupt manipulative dynamics by refusing to engage in confrontational exchanges.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoResearch suggests the most effective way to shut down a manipulator isn't arguing with their logic - it's refusing to participate in the emotional transaction they're trying to create - Silicon Canals
Manipulators seek to dominate rather than engage in genuine dialogue, using emotional reactions as a means to control the interaction.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoI'm 44 and the most powerful thing I ever learned about dealing with manipulative people is that silence - actual, sustained, unapologetic silence - makes them unravel in ways that confrontation never does - Silicon Canals
Silence can effectively disrupt manipulative dynamics by refusing to engage in confrontational exchanges.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoResearch suggests the most effective way to shut down a manipulator isn't arguing with their logic - it's refusing to participate in the emotional transaction they're trying to create - Silicon Canals
Manipulators seek to dominate rather than engage in genuine dialogue, using emotional reactions as a means to control the interaction.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
3 days agoPsychology says if someone secretly dislikes you they'll almost never say it out loud - but their body will, in the microseconds before they've decided what their face is supposed to be doing, and learning to read those moments is one of the more uncomfortable social skills available to anyone willing to develop it - Silicon Canals
Microexpressions reveal true emotions faster than conscious control, providing insights into feelings that words may conceal.
Psychology
fromEarth's Attractions - travel guides by locals, travel itineraries, travel tips, and more
3 days agoHow Successful People Negotiate Everything From Car Prices to Office Raises by Starting With a Small Yes - And Why It Works So Well (It's Easier Than You Think)
The foot-in-the-door technique increases compliance by starting with a small request before making a larger one.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 days agoPeople who go completely silent during an argument aren't giving you the silent treatment. They learned early that anything they said while emotional would be used as evidence against them later, so silence became the only statement that couldn't be misquoted. - Silicon Canals
Silence during conflict can be a strategic choice rooted in childhood experiences of emotional expression being weaponized.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 days agoPeople who go quiet when they're angry aren't giving you the silent treatment. They learned somewhere early that their anger wasn't safe to express at full volume, so they built a system where silence is the only container strong enough to hold it without consequences. - Silicon Canals
Silence can be a tool for containing emotions, especially anger, rather than a manipulation tactic.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
5 days agoPeople who always offer to help but never ask for it aren't generous in the way you think. They've built an entire identity around being needed because somewhere early they learned that usefulness was the only reliable protection against being left. - Silicon Canals
Compulsive helpers often act out of fear rather than generosity, stemming from childhood experiences that condition them to seek safety through being needed.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week agoSocial psychologists say the reason a stranger's rudeness can ruin your entire morning has nothing to do with sensitivity - the brain processes unexpected social hostility through the same threat pathway as physical danger, and the disproportionate response isn't overreaction, it's a system that evolved to treat rejection from the group as a survival-level event firing in a context where the stakes have changed but the wiring hasn't - Silicon Canals
Unexpected rudeness triggers a strong emotional response due to ancient survival wiring that perceives social rejection as a threat.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoNot everyone who avoids conflict is afraid of confrontation. Some people finally realized that the person across from them doesn't want resolution, they want an audience, and refusing to perform is the most confrontational thing you can do. - Silicon Canals
Silence can be a deliberate choice in conflict, not a sign of weakness or fear.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 week ago7 phrases that sound caring but are actually a self-centred person redirecting the conversation back to themselves - and the one most people fall for every time is the phrase that begins with "I totally understand because I..." followed by a story that replaces yours entirely - Silicon Canals
Conversational narcissism redirects focus to the speaker, often disguised as empathy, making it difficult to recognize.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
2 weeks agoSocial psychologists found that the people others describe as 'intimidating' are almost never aggressive - they're simply present in a way that makes performative people uncomfortable, because authenticity exposes pretense without saying a word - Silicon Canals
Presence and attentiveness are often mislabeled as intimidation; genuinely dangerous people typically display charm and surface warmth rather than quiet composure.
Psychology
fromwww.theguardian.com
3 weeks agoCharismatic and extremely confident': how to recognise and handle a psychopath
Psychopathic and dark personality traits exist on a continuum across all social levels, from families to institutions, affecting approximately 1% of the general population at clinical levels.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 weeks agoResearch suggests that the people others describe as "hard to read" are usually people who learned early that showing emotion invited either punishment or exploitation. Their composure isn't distance. It's architecture. - Silicon Canals
Emotional opacity typically originates in childhood when vulnerability is punished or dismissed, causing people to suppress emotional expression as a protective mechanism rather than choosing strategic guardedness.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
4 weeks agoPsychology says people who instinctively soften their language in emails and texts are not being polite. They are running a real-time calculation about how much honesty the relationship can survive. - Silicon Canals
Softened language in communication reflects a calculated assessment of relationship capacity to handle directness, not mere politeness, functioning as a survival mechanism to protect relational dynamics.
Psychology
fromSilicon Canals
1 month agoPsychology says truly manipulative people rarely raise their voice. They control through withdrawal, through carefully timed silence, and through making you feel like the unreasonable one for having needs at all. - Silicon Canals
Sophisticated manipulation operates through subtle, systematic withdrawal and silence rather than overt aggression, conditioning victims to fear expressing their own needs.
fromPsychology Today
2 months agoThe Problem With Coercive Control
"Coercive control" is the term for a diabolical relationship pattern that can have devastating consequences. It occurs when one person unreasonably interferes with another person's free will and liberty (Pisarra, 2022). The seriousness of coercive control is being increasingly acknowledged, and in some places, it is now a criminal offence. As heinous as coercive control is, the dynamics of controlling may be key to understanding what is occurring.
Psychology
[ Load more ]