"The Eulogy I Didn't Give (I)"
Briefly

Ambition faced a setback at a father's funeral when profound words failed, leading to the act of throwing dirt onto the coffin. This moment highlighted the painful shift from being a child to feeling fatherless, rooted in a grave where the father’s essence is buried. His name will eventually be erased by rain, symbolizing how nature impacts memory. The struggle to articulate loss reflects a common human experience, attempting to express emotions about grief amid nature's indifference.
At my father's funeral, I struggled to articulate something profound, but ended up tossing dirt onto his coffin, which felt like shouting at him.
I am now fathered but fatherless, half-traced to the hole in the ground where my father's remains lie, his beard and bones unable to cast a shadow.
The patience of rain could slowly erase my father's name on the gravestone, which feels like the sky's clumsy eulogy trying to express loss.
The complexity of loss is evident in nature, as the memories of loved ones are gradually washed away, attempting to convey what remains.
Read at The New Yorker
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