Belonging Matters. But Mattering Matters, Too

"In The Mattering Instinct: How Our Deepest Longing Drives Us and Divides Us, Harvard philosopher Rebecca Newberger Goldstein argues that human flourishing rests on two distinct 'cornerstones of our humanness': connectedness and the longing to matter. Connectedness—what we often call belonging—is 'the feeling that there are particular others who are prepared to pay us special attention, whether we deserve it or not.' It is unconditional, relational, and necessary. But it is not sufficient."

"Mattering is different. It is the drive to justify one's existence. 'We long to demonstrate that the reason we subjectively feel that we matter is that we objectively do.' Where belonging answers the question, Who will have me? mattering asks, Is my life worth living? 'We don't want to live if we become convinced that we don't, can't, will never truly matter,' Goldstein notes."

Belonging provides unconditional connectedness through particular others who offer attention and relational support. Mattering is the distinct drive to justify one’s existence by demonstrating objective significance. Flourishing requires both connectedness and mattering because meaningful projects that resist psychological entropy demand effort, responsibility, and purpose. Feeling included without believing that contributions count leaves individuals, including children, vulnerable to despair. Mattering motivates risky, challenging, and creative endeavors that sustain long-term growth. Healthy communities integrate belonging and mattering, cultivate responsibility, uphold democratic norms, and respect truth to enable personal and civic flourishing.

Read at Psychology Today