I just feel so stuck. I've never initiate or lead sexual encounters. I've never really seen his dick. If he didn't lead, nothing happened. This dynamic doesn't work for blow jobs. Conversations on this have failed.
It took six months, my dad's death, alcohol, and his love confession for me to let him kiss me. Kissing still feels uncomfortable unless I'm drunk. I've been touch-phobic but improved over time to enjoy hugging, cuddling, and sex with him.
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