The article discusses an individual's challenges after severing ties with a toxic mother, experiencing estrangement within the family. The individual notes a relative's attempts to undermine her relationship with her children and forge allegiance with her ex-husband. While the relative expresses hurt over being confronted, it raises deeper issues about the potential for repeating past dynamics. The response delves into whether the individual might, unconsciously, perpetuate the scapegoating pattern established in childhood despite efforts to foster a healthier environment.
The experiences you describe, growing up feeling scapegoated, enduring a chaotic relational atmosphere, then taking steps to protect yourself, show you to be someone invested in creating a safer, healthier environment for herself.
Is it inevitable that to safeguard myself I am doomed always to occupy the pariah position?
There is, however, an important question embedded in your letter that you may not have consciously voiced: what might it mean if, in some way, you are contributing to the patterns you wish to escape?
In other words, when we have lived as scapegoats, we may internalise that identity to a degree, potentially influencing our reactions to current dynamics.
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