For Me, Fomo Isn't About Missing Out

Glamorous social appearances can mask introversion and FOMO. Preparation for events includes rehearsing speeches, planning conversation topics, and practicing gestures to avoid going mute. Enjoyment is real, but overstimulation and crowds create a time limit, leading to leaving early rather than staying until the end. Missing out feels painful when viewing photos of others’ fun and imagined connections with famous people. The desire is not to avoid people, but to prefer one-on-one time. Coffee or wine conversations with a friend for hours feel perfect, and the realization reframes FOMO as something deeper than fear of missing parties.

"I do indeed have a great time at events, but I also have something more important: A time limit. I am never, ever, the last one to leave an event, but often one of the first; after an hour or so, my nerve endings begin to fray. The noise is too much for me, the crowds. All I can think about is curling up on our couch, reading next to my husband, or the two of us watching a film."

"Over the years, I've stressed so much about missing out. What if I didn't go to that big party that everyone else was going to? What if I didn't go to a writers' dinner? I stare at the photos, at the fun everyone is having, the people everyone is getting to meet, and I feel genuine pain and yearning. If I were there, would that famous writer be sitting next to me and be my friend? If I went to that party, would I be splashed all over social media, too?"

"It's not that I'm anti-social. I have a bounty of friends I love, but I love to see them one-on-one, and not in a group. Last week, I met a friend at our favorite café for coffee, for wine, for hours of talk. After two hours, we both stretched and had to go, and on my walk home, I thought: This is perfection."

"What a social butterfly, you might have thought. How friendly she is! How warm! I do glam up and go to parties. I've been so honored and excited to be a keynote speaker at book events where I love talking with and meeting new people, as well as old friends. I know I might seem as enthusiastic as a collie, but part of the reason is because of what you don't see: The hours I practice my speech, right down to the hand motions."

Read at Psychology Today