I've grieved several deaths in my life, but I've never missed anybody more than I miss my kids. I know people might not understand it because I still see them several times a week, but it's the most intense grief I've ever experienced. I mention death because grieving the loss of the life I had with my kids and being able to see them every day feels very much like grieving a death. I'm still grieving the end of my marriage, but it's a worse pain with my kids because they didn't have anything to do with this, but they're still caught up in it.
Honestly? The fact that despite gradual changes, the legal system and culture are still stacked against divorced fathers, especially in other countries in Europe. There is an expectation from the very first moment that the children will stay with the mother (even in my case, where the mother was violently abusive), and the father should just move out and surrender the keys to the home. In these cases, having excellent legal advice and understanding the reality - not the cultural perceptions - can be a literal lifesaver.
It was all the 'eye-openers.' Some of them were the details about things she had always handled that I didn't have a clue about. Some of the eye-openers were financial; I had no idea the extent to which I had been subsidizing her whims and her 'life choices.' When she left, she took her paycheck and left the bills. Within a couple of months, I was shocked that I actually had a little extra money, having lived in a 'we don't have enough' life for 28 years.
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