Dear Abby: My daughter won't return my calls. Should I try harder?
Briefly

You won't become closer to your daughter if you hound her with requests for more contact; she may be busy or simply self-centered.
When you told your relative about your rape, it was no longer a secret, and now you're in a dilemma with the potential disclosure.
Approach her by saying that if she tells your children, you fear they will take revenge and ruin their own lives.
Your husband has only a year left; consider how you're engaging with friends and support systems during this challenging time.
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