Dear Abby: I thought I was like a second mom then they put me on the B-list
Briefly

Understand the pecking order in that family. The mother-to-be and her parents are in control, not Brenda, who I'm sure is embarrassed as heck by what's happening.
Forgive Brenda, refuse any invitation in which you are expected to give gifts to her daughter-in-law, go on with your life and stop making this all about you.
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