When my only sibling died unexpectedly, I dealt with everything, from having his body moved to planning his funeral to even picking out his burial clothes. I decided he would be cremated and chose a casket for the viewing. My parents did not do anything besides sign a piece of paper. My husband decided that instead of helping me through the worst time in my life, he would deal with his own grief. Yes, they had known each other for years and loved each other, but this was my only sibling, and he knew how close we were. I had to stuff my grief away to plan and deal with everything. Anytime I tried to grieve for the next year, he would break down and need to be comforted. He has a large family - his parents, four siblings, and countless aunts, uncles, and cousins - who're all still alive. Still, he was unable to help and support me while I grieved for my only brother, who passed away when I was 30 and he was 34.
Maybe I'm the a-hole here, but the fact that he basically didn't allow me to grieve for over a year because of how hard it was on him is something I still carry with me. I would never begrudge him in his grief. He loved my brother, and it was hard for him, I get that, but what about me? He stayed off to the side at the wake and funeral. Other friends and family stepped up to help me. We are still together, but it caused major issues in our relationship for years until we started to repair it. It was the worst time of my life.
My husband and I have been married for four years, together for 12. We have two children together, who are 3 years old and 5 months old. Both of us are usually good partners, but during particularly tough life events, issues can surface.
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