I Didn't Speak Up In My First Marriage, But Now I Know Better

Many women, raised to be obedient and self-sacrificing, find themselves struggling to articulate their needs in relationships. They are taught to follow rules and maintain peace, leading to a pattern of silence and self-neglect. The fear of breaking societal and relational scripts makes expressing true desires feel ungrateful or abrasive. In such dynamics, women internalize disappointment and often rationalize their partner's shortcomings, continuing to seek fulfillment through patience and compliance instead of open communication.

I didn't speak up in my first marriage because I didn't think I was supposed to. I think a lot of women, especially those raised to be the good girl, have lived this same script. My upbringing ingrained in me the need to 'follow the rules' and 'don't rock the boat,' leading to a silence that felt expected rather than rebelled against.

I grew up where obedience was prioritized, and silence was golden. I followed the script of a quiet, selfless wife, internalizing my disappointments while rationalizing them as part of my duty to maintain peace. The belief in waiting for things to improve kept me stifled and unwell.

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