Public services such as postal delivery, representative government, clean water, and vaccines were free for 250 years; monetization is now being introduced. The transition prioritizes paid subscribers and will remove or degrade legacy features while adding unwanted, costly changes. Authorities plan to deploy forces like the National Guard and impose features that may last uncertain durations. Branding and graphic design will be altered to reposition the country as a product appealing to paying users. Market inertia, limited alternatives, and everyday conveniences like breakfast burritos are expected to keep people from leaving. AI-generated content will replace formerly valued civic and cultural elements.
We were so excited to reach 340 million free users. But now it's time to streamline our product so that it appeals more to paid subscribers, and that means some changes for everyone else. We are adding a lot of features no one asked for that will make your experience worse and also cost a lot of money! Freedom isn't free!
You were pretty vocal about what attracted you to America in the first place: personal liberty, economic opportunity, something called the American dream, and, of course, the perennial threat of gun violence. (That last feature developed over time, but it seems that our users are pretty attached? We offered you many opportunities to opt out.) But we knew what was really keeping you here: inertia, and the challenge of finding an alternative that sells decent breakfast burritos. We are banking on that going forward.
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