"Most people have found themselves, at one point or another, in a conflict with a partner that is so intense it feels like your blood is boiling. It might be the first time you argued about this particular thing, or it might be the 17th time. Either way, you're upset and don't understand how someone who you're so close with could hurt you so deeply."
""You don't notice how long three seconds is until you're in conflict or in a conversation like this and it's just dead air," Francis said. "It makes a huge difference. And the overlap [of two people speaking] is really normal in conversation, but when we up the ante and turn this into conflict, it is meaningful for us to slow down because we're going to miss a lot of what's happening just for the pure fact that, like, I'm in my feelings and usually they're pretty big feelings.""
Intense arguments with a partner can trigger immediate thoughts about ending the relationship. Rapid escalation often pushes people from sensing a problem to contemplating breakup while emotions run very high. Slowing the interaction, even with a three‑second pause, interrupts automatic reactivity, reduces overlapping speech, and creates space to breathe and reflect. Brief pauses can clarify feelings, calm escalation, and reveal what is actually happening in the moment. If uncertainty about separation persists after pausing, assess whether a "hard crossing" of a previously set boundary has occurred to determine whether the breach is repairable or more serious.
Read at HuffPost
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