Many individuals struggle to enforce personal boundaries, often feeling defeated despite efforts to communicate them. The article emphasizes that boundaries without real consequences are merely suggestions, using the example of a client named Tanya, who unsuccessfully tried to limit her mother's incessant phone calls. It highlights the importance of leverage in relationships, where individuals are less likely to change their behavior unless faced with meaningful consequences or pressure. The article advocates for a shift in focus from managing others' feelings to managing one's own boundaries and behaviors for effective change.
Tanya's breakthrough came when she stopped trying to manage her mother's feelings about the boundary and started managing her own behavior instead.
If someone consistently ignores your clearly stated limits and faces no consequences, why would they change?
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