"Apologies are for what you have done, so don't try to sneak in complaints about the other person. It's not only about you. Communicating empathy for damage done to the other person is crucial. Don't expect anything in return. It's not their job to forgive until they are good and ready, if at all."
"To apologize successfully, you need to have a solid "platform of self-worth" to stand on in order to not collapse into shame. The more self-worth you have, the more you can handle the ego blow-because admitting mistakes does not make you a doomed or despicable person. Just an imperfect one."
"The obvious trigger situation for an apology is when you realize that you have done something that has hurt someone you care about. Even if your action was not intended to hurt or you were not aware of how it would affect the other person, an apology is still in order."
"An effective apology requires four distinct elements to make it more likely to be well-received (which is, after all, the point of the apology in the first place). The Basic Statement: "I'm sorry." No rationalizations, no excuses, no hedging. Just a simple statement that you are sorry and what you are sorry for having done. It could be big or very minor, it doesn't matter."
Apologies are meant for actions taken, not for shifting blame or adding complaints about the other person. Successful apologies acknowledge that the impact extends beyond the person apologizing and include empathy for the damage caused. Expecting repayment or immediate forgiveness is inappropriate; forgiveness is up to the other person when they are ready. A sincere apology requires a stable sense of self-worth so admitting mistakes does not collapse into shame. An effective apology includes four elements: a clear basic statement of “I’m sorry,” an explicit description of what was done wrong, acceptance of responsibility without rationalizations, and empathy for how the actions affected the other person. Avoid “but” statements that imply justification.
Read at Psychology Today
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