"As Valentine's Day approaches, we start enjoying images of ruby-red hearts, kisses, and holding hands-ideals of romantic love. But what happens the day or week after? For some, there are engagements and celebrations; for others, hurts, disappointments, breakups-some of those ruby-red hearts, broken or cracked. Lasting romance is built on a kind of love that requires more than sexy lingerie and roses; it needs trust, openness, and mutual acceptance."
"When we feel safe with someone, our nervous system can relax into connection, and the brain promotes the release of neurochemicals that enhance well-being, sharpen our senses, and soften our perception of others and the world around us. We can express our needs without fear of abandonment or rejection. We can navigate conflict without fearing annihilation, criticism, or shame. This is romantic love as it is meant to function: a secure base from which two people can grow."
Valentine's imagery of hearts and kisses contrasts with real outcomes the day or week after; some people celebrate engagements while others experience hurts, disappointments, and breakups. Lasting romance requires trust, openness, and mutual acceptance rather than superficial gestures. Many people's nervous systems perceive the world as unsafe, treating love as a trap or threat, which complicates forming secure connections. Romantic relationships thrive when partners provide protection from criticism and rejection, share dreams, appreciate interests, and permit vulnerability without danger. Safety allows the nervous system to relax, releasing neurochemicals that enhance well-being, sharpen senses, and soften perception. Trauma can reorient the nervous system toward survival, altering the internal landscape of safety.
Read at Psychology Today
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