"Most of us grow up believing that conflict is the enemy of love. We imagine that a good relationship is one in which partners rarely argue, never hurt each other's feelings, and spend most of their time in harmony. But in real life, the couples who last don't avoid conflict. They learn how to use conflict as the very material that strengthens their bond."
"As couples therapists-and as a couple who has weathered our share of storms-we've learned that conflict can actually be the healthiest thing for your relationship- if you know how to move from rupture to repair. The Myth of "Happily Ever After" Cultural stories about love are filled with fairy-tale endings. The prince and princess kiss, and the curtain falls. But what happens next? Nobody tells you that in the sequel, they argue about chores, feel lonely even when they're together, or clash over money"
Many people assume that conflict is the enemy of love and that good relationships are continually harmonious. Lasting couples do not avoid conflict; they use disagreements as material to strengthen their bond. Conflict serves as evidence of engagement rather than proof of failure. Moments of disconnection, called ruptures or 'love crashes,' range from small slights to major arguments. Moving from rupture to repair improves relationship health and creates opportunities for deeper connection. Cultural fairy-tale narratives conceal routine disagreements and lead people to misinterpret normal conflict as a sign of a wrong partner choice.
Read at Psychology Today
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