"My answer is "No". You haven't communicated on the issue enough. You've tried attacking one another. You've tried blaming one another. You were being sarcastic at times. You presumed that the partner would do the right thing in the end. You focused on convincing. You've tried not paying attention.All that is the opposite of communication. That's why if you haven't been able to resolve something, you probably haven't communicated about it enough."
"What do I mean here? Communication is the active, ongoing search for common ground. It's the bridge you build, plank by plank over the chasm of your individual perceptions, values and communication styles. It's very hard work. Though many couples feel and believe that they are doing this work, in fact they are avoiding it.Some couples that come to therapy think that it would suffice to just talk and things will be straightened out."
"But if just talking would suffice, they could talk with one another directly, without encountering any hitches.Talking is not communication, though it's a good start. Communication is an active effort going two ways: To understand your partner. To make sure that the partner understands you. Only then is it possible to reach a common denominator and come to an agreement."
Communication is the central barrier to relationships; many couples mistake arguing, blaming, sarcasm, presumption, persuasion, and inattention for communication. True communication requires active, ongoing effort to find common ground by understanding the partner and ensuring the partner understands you. It involves hard work to bridge differing perceptions, values, and styles. Simply talking or assuming familiarity does not achieve communication. Couples often avoid this labor and expect conversation alone or therapy to resolve problems. Only two-way, deliberate efforts enable reaching a common denominator and agreement.
Read at Psychology Today
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