Tired of Faking It? How to Finally Feel Confident

"And look, the advice isn't wrong. Confidence really does matter. Research consistently shows that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities we can display (Li et al., 2020). It signals competence, reduces anxiety, and makes social interactions flow more smoothly. The problem? Telling someone to "be more confident" is like telling them to "be taller." It's not exactly actionable or helpful."

"And that performance? It's exhausting. It also doesn't work nearly as well as we think it does. Real confidence that actually helps your dating life and relationships looks and feels completely different than what most people imagine. So what does genuine confidence actually look like? And more importantly, how do you develop it without faking your way through every interaction?"

Confidence significantly improves attractiveness, signaling competence, reducing anxiety, and smoothing social interaction. Vague advice to "be more confident" is unhelpful because it lacks actionable steps. Many people pursue a performed version of confidence—projecting certainty, seeming unshakeable, or radiating charisma—which often masks insecurity, exhausts the performer, and underperforms. Genuine confidence is an experienced internal state that feels different from performed boldness and supports healthier dating. Self-knowledge enables selection of partners who fit one’s true preferences and limits, avoiding self-restriction to win approval. Dating functions to find someone compatible with one’s existing identity, not to discover or remake oneself.

Read at Psychology Today