"My kids' maternal grandfather (my father) is declining rapidly with dementia. Christmas is right around the corner, and making plans has been a last-minute thing due to figuring out whether maternal grandparents would be able to host Christmas. In the previous 25 years, we have worked around the schedule of [my daughters'] paternal grandparents and [my] sister-in-law. This is the first year that we informed my mother-in-law that we would be going to my parents' [house] on Christmas Day."
"The previous years, my mother-in-law has dictated that we come over Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. My husband called my mother-in-law on speakerphone. She proceeded to yell on the phone that they always had to plan the holidays around us and that we are always an inconvenience. My daughters overheard what my mother-in-law said and proceeded to get very upset. When my husband tried to explain to his mother that his father-in-law has limited time, his mother responded with, 'We're all dying!'"
"My oldest daughter just wants her father to say, 'Yes, what Grandma said was wrong, and your feelings are valid.' But of course, he did not say that. Instead, he told her to shut the 'F' up. This caused an even bigger fight within our immediate family. Now, my daughters and I aren't speaking to my husband, and they do not want to spend Christmas with their paternal grandparents. And my husband says this is all my fault."
Maternal grandfather is declining rapidly with dementia. Christmas planning became last-minute while deciding whether maternal grandparents could host. For the previous 25 years the family worked around the paternal grandparents' and sister-in-law's schedules. This year the family informed the mother-in-law that they would go to the maternal grandparents' house on Christmas Day. The mother-in-law shouted on speakerphone that holidays always had to be planned around her household and called the family an inconvenience, then said, 'We're all dying!' The daughters overheard, became very upset, and yelled hurtful things that offended the mother-in-law. The husband told one daughter to 'shut the F up,' escalating the fight and leading the daughters and mother to stop speaking to him; the oldest daughter now wants to cut off the paternal grandparents and the husband blames his wife. One daughter experienced an ADHD-related outburst during the conflict.
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