This is how we do it: Whether it's kinky sex in a dungeon or shopping at Costco, it's all about our bond'

"Twenty years ago, a woman sat opposite me on a train and quoted the first line of the book I was reading to me. We talked and talked about books, architecture, family, relationships and haven't stopped since. I assumed I'd never see her again, but she gave me her number and after texting furiously for a week she invited me to stay with her, and our instant intellectual connection became an intense physical one."

"And in the past year, we've started renting a room in a local sex dungeon for a few hours every couple of months. It relaxes us to know there's not going to be a knock on the door or a creaking floorboard to distract us. We have a cup of tea and a chat with the receptionist about knitting or what they're watching on TV, then go into a leatherclad room. It's all surprisingly mundane, which is how sex truly is and should be."

"I've always known I wanted to be penetrated, but as a heterosexual man, especially in a politically regressive, male-dominated work environment, that comes with shame. I'm just over six feet tall and muscly, so I've never felt physically vulnerable with a partner before. Pegging is a way to give my vulnerability to Zoe. The pleasure is even more intense than I imagined, but mostly I like the intimacy of it."

A couple forged an immediate intellectual and physical bond after meeting on a train, quickly forming a family of three children. Parenthood made private sex harder, so the couple finds time and space by renting a local sex-dungeon room occasionally, enjoying mundane rituals like tea and chatting with reception beforehand. The man describes long-held physical confidence but deep emotional desire to be vulnerable; pegging allows him to transfer vulnerability to his partner and creates intense pleasure and intimacy. The couple values shared experiments and everyday routines as equal parts of their adventurous, sustaining bond.

Read at www.theguardian.com