This is how we do it: My sex life with her is completely separate to my life as a divorced father'

"We started kissing but we were a bit tipsy so decided to leave it there. I'd been poly for seven years after my divorce, rediscovering myself through the pleasure of connection with different people. Shani and I both decided to stop having sex with other people so that we could experience each other fully. I was used to telling people that I could only offer them adventure, but with Shani that wasn't true."

"In the beginning, she focused on the physical I was more of a sexual tool for her than a partner, and I understood why she needed that. But trust grew slowly and Shani began to let her guard down. Now she says she likes my company as well as my anatomy. I didn't think my sex life would be like this in my late 40s More than two years in, we still can't get enough."

"We only see each other a few nights every couple of weeks, and that distance keeps the sexual tension alive. My life with Shani is completely separate from my life as a divorced father. There's still a part of my heart that's frozen, and difficult to open up and give away. Divorce does that to a person. What I'm drawn to most is her brilliant mind."

"She's intelligent and has strong opinions, which is as arousing to me as her figure. The more she realises how much I love her body, the better the sex is. Shani initiates by walking through the door wearing a certain nail polish or lipstick or shoes. I initiate by coming up behind her and biting her neck, and depending on the way she smiles or pushes back on me, I can tell there's reciprocity."

A person previously offered only “adventure” but found a deeper connection with Shani. After seven years of being poly following a divorce, both partners chose to stop having sex with others to fully experience each other. Early intimacy centered on physical needs, with one partner initially feeling used as a sexual tool, while trust grew slowly. Over time, Shani began to value companionship as well as physical closeness. They see each other only a few nights every couple of weeks, keeping tension alive. The relationship remains separate from life as a divorced father, and emotional openness is still difficult. Attraction is fueled by Shani’s intelligence and strong opinions, and sex improves as love and reciprocity increase.

Read at www.theguardian.com