This is how we do it: Having sex with other people brought us closer, but also exposed insecurities'

"I became friends with Amber in the summer of 2021, when she was still married. One night, we talked until sunrise and I found myself opening up in a way I never had before. When we eventually became a couple in 2023, she was the most satisfying sexual partner I'd ever had, and she says the same. That level of communication, trust and respect doesn't come naturally to me, but Amber makes it possible."

"The first time we had sex with a couple, I didn't anticipate how destabilising it would feel to see her with another man. Watching her have sex while I couldn't stay hard sent me spiralling: what's wrong with you? Why can't you respond to your desire? But Amber isn't my possession and everyone else was having a good time. No boundaries had been crossed and no one had betrayed me, so I didn't know how to voice my frustration."

The narrator met Amber in summer 2021 and they became a couple in 2023. Amber proved to be an exceptionally satisfying sexual partner, fostering strong communication, trust, and respect. Both partners face hormonal changes: Amber is perimenopausal and the narrator has low testosterone and occasional erectile difficulties. They explored Amber's attraction to women and tried sex with a couple, which destabilized the narrator when he couldn't maintain an erection. No boundaries were crossed, but the narrator struggled to voice frustration. The couple is learning that honesty, trust, and clearer communication are essential to navigate libido, initiation, and intimacy.

Read at www.theguardian.com