"After about six months of dating we decided to try an open arrangement so that Cameron could pursue people who are more sexual than I am. There were feelings of jealousy at first, but our relationship was strengthened because we had such strong communication, and I grew to feel really secure in our bond. It's been a huge blessing for us, because I've never loved sex."
"When I stumbled across a book about asexuality on social media in 2021, it was like looking in a mirror. I was shocked, because at that time I considered myself a sexual person I like to masturbate, and I'd had a fair amount of sex in my 20s. But I think I had a lot of that sex because I felt guilty a hangover of being a teenager in a society that tells us you have to please your man."
"But I do like having orgasms. To me, it's fun and it's a nice release a way to clear out all the thoughts in my head. It was very freeing to tell Cameron that I am asexual. He accepts it. We do still have sex, because I feel intense intimacy and closeness to him when we do, and I am making the conscious decision when I want to connect with him in that way."
The narrator and Cameron formed an open arrangement early in their relationship so Cameron could pursue more sexual partners while preserving their bond. Initial jealousy gave way to security through strong communication. The narrator realized in 2021 that they are asexual after encountering information that resonated deeply. Past sexual activity reflected guilt and societal expectations rather than desire. The narrator experiences no sexual attraction but enjoys orgasms as a personal release and values sex as an avenue for intimacy. Cameron accepted the asexual identity, and they continue to have sex by conscious choice to strengthen closeness.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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