"In How to Train Your Dragon -the 2010 animated film and the surprisingly good 2025 live-action remake-a young Viking named Hiccup lives in a village that equates worth with how well you can slay dragons. But Hiccup is awkward, curious, and terrible at fighting-everything his father and classmates wish he would change. Yet when he starts to outwit the dragons, those who once mocked him begin to welcome him. He begins to fit in, but he still doesn't belong."
"By most metrics, I did the "right" leadership things: I built a team that delivered a successful event and deepened our partnership with key stakeholders. But I failed as a leader because I didn't make my team feel like they belonged. The lesson was both painful and clear: Yes, paychecks and intrinsic motivation matter, but humans need more. In the words of psychologist Dan Siegel, "We need to feel felt.""
Workplaces often reward conformity rather than authentic belonging. People want to feel seen and felt for who they are, not merely fit in. Relational leadership requires holding the paradox that accountability and belonging can coexist. Practical ways to build belonging include repair after harm, expressing appreciation, creating buffers to protect people, and acting with consistency. When leaders fail to acknowledge contributors, teams suffer despite achieving external success. When employees feel they belong, they do more than maintain culture; they actively strengthen and grow it, improving engagement and organizational resilience.
Read at Psychology Today
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