"Have you noticed that in your relationships, you keep meeting different people who somehow feel familiar? They may have different personalities, yet something core is always the same. One might be controlling, another emotionally immature. And every time you enter a new relationship, it feels better, but not entirely different. Have you noticed that? Life does not move in a circle; it moves in a spiral, meaning experiences and challenges repeat, but never in the exact same way (Hesse, 1997)."
"Boundaries are internal decisions about (1) what behavior you stay emotionally present for; (2) what you step away from; (3) and what you do when something does not change. In simple words, a boundary is not what you say, it is what you do next. Anne Katherine (1993) writes: "We learn about boundaries by the way we are treated as children. Then we teach others where our boundaries are by the way we let them treat us.""
People often enter successive relationships that feel familiar because core, unresolved personal patterns recur even when partners differ. Life unfolds in a spiral, so experiences and challenges repeat in new forms rather than identically. Unresolved issues shift inward, influencing what behaviors a person accepts and normalizes. Repeatedly blaming partners is unproductive because patterns persist until someone responds differently. Boundaries are internal decisions about which behavior one remains emotionally present for, what to step away from, and how to act when behavior does not change. Boundaries are demonstrated by actions, learned from early treatment, and reinforced over time.
Read at Psychology Today
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