"Relationships are a fascinating thing. Intimate relationships can be joyful and rewarding, but we also know they can be difficult to manage and sometimes painful.One of the goals for couples interested in reducing tension and achieving longevity together is to cooperatively begin the process of demythologizing beliefs about how a marriage or relationships should be or should look. In essence, couples must dare to grow together by changing their thinking and ultimately their behaviors."
"One relationship myth is that if there is deep and committed love for each other, then all problems will naturally go away and everything will work itself out. Another is that love itself is about being responsible for making each other happy. Neither is true. The truth is: We don't have the ability to make someone else happy, but we do have the ability to make someone else miserable."
"No behavior change -no growth. No growth means the relationship will falter over time. Over many years of treating couples, I have used six essential behavioral directives that help committed relationships last. These directives are, of course, only effective when both partners are dedicated to the relationship and are willing to change and grow together. Let's remember that according to writer Peter Hedges, "Love is not a feeling; It's an ability.""
Couples should abandon idealized myths about how relationships must appear and instead change thinking and behaviors together. Love does not automatically resolve conflicts, nor is one partner responsible for making the other happy. Individuals cannot guarantee another's happiness but can cause misery. Both partners must relinquish perfectionism, accept flaws, and hold themselves accountable for their contributions to discord. Sustained relationship growth requires deliberate behavior change; stagnation leads to deterioration. Six essential behavioral directives can support lasting committed partnerships when both partners dedicate themselves to change, growth, mutual accountability, and wholehearted acceptance of each other.
Read at Psychology Today
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