Sometimes I Wonder if the Way I Like to Dump People Makes Me a Psychopath

"I understand that it is somewhat normal to break up with partners of one's youth and, years later, look back to realize that of course you were never actually compatible-you were just in the same place at the same time. That's how I've explained the incredibly abrupt endings of my relationships with my high school and college boyfriends, both year-plus romances that I concluded with somewhat stunning haste."

"I dated "Adam" for almost five years right out of college. We lived together for the final year of our relationship. And while there was a bit of drama before the breakup, the breakup itself was one of the most neutral and calm I have ever experienced. The envelope to renew our lease came to our apartment. I practiced these words, though I can't now recall if I said them precisely: "I don't want to marry you, and I don't think that you want to marry me either. So ... let's not renew the lease?""

"Initially, it seemed as if we would still be friends-we hopped on Citi Bikes after that conversation and went to get ramen together in the East Village that night. But then-and this is the part that makes me feel crazy-we moved out and ... never saw or spoke to each other again? I felt not a smidgen of sadness-just a pervasive sense of how"

The author examines her history of breakups, noting that unlike most people who wonder about missed romantic opportunities, she experiences something more troubling: a complete emotional detachment from ended relationships. Her breakups with high school and college boyfriends ended abruptly despite being year-long relationships. Most notably, her five-year relationship with Adam ended with a calm, rational conversation about not renewing their lease. After the breakup, they went for ramen together but subsequently never contacted each other again. The author felt no sadness whatsoever, only a sense of relief, which prompts her to question whether this emotional numbness indicates something psychologically abnormal about herself.

Read at Slate Magazine