Compliments are generally appreciated in relationships, but two specific phrases can negatively impact emotional health. Dr. Mark Travers cautions against saying, 'How are you always so calm?' as it may encourage emotional suppression by rewarding silence rather than strength. It may compel partners to hide their feelings, leading to a belief that worth lies in being agreeable. Additionally, saying, 'You're the only person I can talk to' can create emotional dependency, making one partner responsible for the other's emotional regulation, which undermines true connection and healthy boundaries.
'Compliments can be disarming. They make us feel chosen and understood in ways that other words rarely do.'
'HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS SO CALM?' This is a praise that can be used to reward emotional silence, not emotional strength.'
'YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON I CAN TALK TO.' Saying this to your partner can make them feel responsible for your emotional regulation.
'When emotional suppression is praised in adult relationships, it reinforces the message that your worth lies in being agreeable and low-maintenance.'
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