The article explores the illusion of sameness in intimate relationships, which leads individuals to mistakenly assume their partners share identical experiences and meanings. This misconception fosters a false sense of security, creating delusions like soulmates or shared thoughts. Ultimately, individuals may neglect their partner's unique feelings and perspectives. This leads to feelings of invisibility and criticism, as partners grapple with the hubris of expecting mutual understanding without recognizing inherent differences, emphasizing that true intimacy requires acknowledgment of these distinctions.
The biggest mistake we make in love is assuming that our partners' experience is the same as ours and that events and behaviors mean the same to them as they do to us.
The illusion of sameness allows us to create some measure of safety in the face of the vulnerability that intimate connections evoke.
Universal equality is a noble sentiment much abused by those who confuse equality with sameness and who feel uncomfortable with differences.
Partners who want to feel like soul mates will eventually feel invisible, unheard, criticized, controlled, and betrayed.
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